|
..............................................................................
|
.....WELCOME TO AFS'S FUN STUFF . WE WILL BE POSTING
NEW FORTUNE COOKIES ON
|
.....THE FIRST DAY OF EACH MONTH. COME BACK OFTEN !
TELL YOUR FRIENDS !
|
.....PLEASE FELL FREE TO DOWNLOAD ....ALL WE ASK IS
THAT YOU CITE US WHEN
|
.....YOU USE THESE LINES OF WIT ! IF YOU WOULD LIKE
TO SUBMIT YOUR OWN ONE
|
.....LINERS WE WILL BE GLAD TO INCLUDE THEM. PLEASE
SUBMIT ALL ENTRIES IN
|
.....THE FORMAT OF THE HTML FILE THAT YOU DOWNLOAD.
PLEASE ZIP IT AND SEND
|
.....IT TO THE ATTENTION OF THE JOKEMASTER AT AFS.
|
..............................................................................
|
To get to know someone drive coast-to-coast with them
in a broken down VW bug.
|
Friends and countrymen lend me your ears.
|
I like work. I can sit and watch it all day.
|
Familiarity breeds contempt.
|
If you like this program so much why don't you send
more money?
|
Any computer program once finished will be immediately
out of date.
|
Any computer program once finished will have to be
rewritten.
|
A computer program is only as good as the last bug
that was fixed.
|
If you think lawyers lie try statistics.
|
Eat drink and be merry and die fat and drunk.
|
You're a little weird but I like that in a person.
|
One of the most important features of the commercial
version is the # of jokes
|
If this program doesn't work there's probably a reason
for that.
|
The unexamined time series is not worth recording.
|
We have met the enemy it is us.
|
This darned machine won't give me what I want!
|
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes
|
I trust you but I'm not sure about your replacement.
|
Some programs like some people are a waste of time.
|
We have met the enemy it is us.
|
AUTOBOX is a triumph of the human programmer
|
There are more ways to do it wrong than there is to
do it right.
|
Numbers are to statisticans what paint is to artists.
|
Numbers are to paint what statisticans are to artists.
|
Paint is to art as numbers are to statisticans.
|
Art may fade but STATISTICS endures.
|
This above all: To thine ownself be true.
|
It's not that I don't trust you but nobody lives forever.
|
Procrastination is the thief of time.
|
All I know is that you've been wrong before.
|
Say the magic word and you'll receive $100.
|
If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
|
One man's noise is another man's signal.
|
If you can't stand the cold get out of the garage.
|
"Mortals can not become immortal" ...Pliny
|
The world is 70% water.
|
Imagination is creativity day-dreaming.
|
I do not fear statistics I fear the lack of statistics.
|
Those who make you laugh are the ones you do not love.
|
Those who make you cry are the ones you love.
|
Imagination is creativity day-dreaming.
|
John Bull's other island.
|
Time series data is ubiquitous.
|
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
|
Don't get saucy with me Bernaise !
|
Please don't annoy me with facts my mind is made up.
|
Confusion creates opportunity.
|
Please don't annoy me I'm memorizing whats in memory.
|
Statisticians keep statistics.
|
Statisticians do it by the numbers and to the numbers.
|
I'm not enjoying this the least bit.
|
Freedom is the right to choose your own chains.
|
You were right but for the wrong reason.
|
The unexamined life is not worth living.
|
The untested computer program is not worth using.
|
In the beginning I wasn't sure about you but now I
am.
|
Better here than in Philadelphia.
|
If California is the future I'll take Camden.
|
Are you sure about that.
|
Statisticians do it by the numbers.
|
Sorry but your time is up.
|
ScitsitatS spelt backward is STATISTICS.
|
My patience with you has reached the critical level.
|
You never miss the water 'til the well runs dry.
|
Yours is a face that could launch a thousand ships.
|
Sometimes it's better to take a small gain rather than
a large loss.
|
Sometimes a bannana is just a bannana.
|
We have just advised management that you are spending
too much time on this
|
The critical limit on the number of allowable human
errors has been exceeded
|
Stop reading these messages and get back to work.
|
You really should disable this function as it slows
up the CPU.
|
If you're soo smart why didn't you major in statistics.
|
You are statistically significant
|
You are statistically insignificant
|
Loose lips sink ships.
|
I never met a statistic I didn't like.
|
There is no such thing as bad statistics just bad statisticians.
|
When in doubt use statistics.
|
Statisticians like all scientists overemphasize the
utility of their tools
|
The real world is always more complex than the simple
statistical model.
|
Always use historical not hysterical data.
|
Give me a lever and I will move the earth . Archimedes
|
Give me a computer and I will move the earth .
|
A trend is a trend until it bends.
|
The data is never wrong but it could be the wrong data
|
If you could only see her through my eyes.
|
It's too bad we can't forecast the future as well as
the past.
|
Hindsite is forecasting in reverse.
|
Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes you
can't even quit the game.
|
The place was so crowded that people don't go there
anymore.
|
The Data is never wrong.
|
Never let data get in the way of theory.
|
The intermediate steps are obvious.
|
Live free or die.
|
The more disks that a program arrives on the better
it is.
|
How come this program is so expensive but only comes
on two disks?
|
If this program doesn't work give it a different set
of numbers.
|
"That's not my job mister"
|
I'd rather be here with you than the best people.
|
"Would you like me to watch your car while you
are gone ? "
|
"If the fans don't want to come out you cant keep
them home". Y. Berra
|
Statisticians are to numbers what Ventriloquists are
to dummies.
|
Statisticians do it with numbers.
|
AFS does not mean A Faulty Software Co. !
|
Figures don't lie but liars figure.
|
Farmers do it early in the morning.
|
Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
|
Never under estimate the ability of the world to function
without you.
|
Bankruptcy is business's way of telling you about your
acumen.
|
Forecasters predict when they can do it.
|
If at first you don't succeed re-define sucess.
|
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
|
There is always one more feature that can be added
to a program.
|
Let him who has taken the plunge remember to return
it by Tuesday.
|
Your checksum didn't.
|
Beware of computer technicians who try to write software.
|
This program has more bugs than a June picnic.
|
A computer program should be both friendly and firm
|
Hold on! We will now format your hard disk!
|
Did you ever notice that disaster is only a keystroke
away ?. .
|
A computer program should be like a wife dependable
and loyal.
|
A computer program should be like a mistress exciting
and a little flirtatious
|
For a good time call DAVE.
|
It doesn't pay to live in the past there's no future
in it.
|
Statistics are numbers looking for an arguement.
|
Try everything once and the fun things twice.
|
Thomas meaning twin.
|
Forecast spelt backwards is AUTOBOX.
|
The Irish feel guilty while doing it.
|
The French word for forecasting: Previon
|
This game is a cliff-dweller. Y. Berra
|
Keep smiling. Everyone will think you know something
they don't.
|
Practice moderation in all things but don't overdo
it.
|
Take time to smell the flowers but try not to inhale
a bee.
|
Do a little more each day and soon everyone will expect
you to do more.
|
Laugh and the world laughs with you complain and you
will get more attention.
|
Make etopy day a special day pretend it's friday.
|
Live life to the fullest fillup on the good stuff.
|
Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men. Lamont
Cranston knows!
|
Greed is good.
|
Garbage in Gospel out
|
Work is good. Max Weber
|
Covering all your bases : slang: e.g. a dual major
in computers and religion.
|
All David's are not created equal.
|
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
|
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
|
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
from Sam.
|
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination
papers. H. L. Mencken
|
A king's castle is his home.
|
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money
in Etruscan bonds.
|
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
|
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
|
Operations Researchers do it with models.
|
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
|
A thousand points of light stay the course...
|
The mother of all statistical programs. AUTOBOX
|
Adultery is the application of democracy to love. -
H. L. Mencken
|
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
|
Allen's Axiom: When all else fails follow instructions.
|
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the
calf won't sleep.
|
Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into
than out of.
|
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
|
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it- get a bigger
hammer.
|
As goatherd learns his trade by goat so writer learns
his trade by wrote.
|
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.
|
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
|
Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national
debt. H.Hoover
|
By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail.
|
Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails read the instructions.
|
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C-543
|
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from magic.
|
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
|
When you've got them by the balls their hearts and
minds will follow.
|
Commoner's Second Law of Ecology: Nothing ever goes
away.
|
Content of destination lost before copy
|
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
|
Crazee Edeee his prices are INSANE!!!
|
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
|
Dan Quayle gaining acceptance...
|
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't
see his face.
|
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge
of questionable uses.
|
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
|
Don't eat yellow snow.
|
Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the
least opportune moment.
|
All models are wrong. Some are useful.
|
Etorre's Observation: The other line moves faster.
|
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
|
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
|
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
|
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
|
Every purchase has its price.
|
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a
quiet youth.
|
After things have gone from bad to worse the cycle
will repeat itself.
|
Fett's Law: Never replicate a successful experiment.
|
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works something
has gone wrong.
|
Once a job is fouled up anything done to improve it
only makes it worse.
|
Firestone's Law of Forecasting: Chicken Little only
has to be right once.
|
First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly
the same as cold glass.
|
Flee at once all is discovered.
|
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
|